[212] Complacence from Innocence

BEWARE: Very Random Post Ahead! (Includes at some awfulness, wrong grammar, typographical errors, incongruent structuring, etc.)

Come to think of college, I am too young to be a junior standing. I’m still 17- the effective rationale on why UtakGago thought we were both sophomores, all this time. Lol. Physically, I look much of a third year, already taking 21 laborious units, except that I, too, look maltreated by the entirety of the academe. In an inconspicuous way- that is.

Yes, I’m still 17 (♫going on 18 this September). (But arguing about the factualness of my statement could lead to a more outrageous commentary- so more on that later. Lol.)

Really, why blog about age?

Nothing, it is just now that I have felt so young. And that I needed to get out of this formidable trap. This would apply as a common rant of a college student fussed by the domineering command of the “go-for-an-uno” theory, or say, way of life. I’m not really grade-conscious but seriously, I have really wanted to excel- at the very least- although my freshmen grades were worthy to be hung upon the pedestal of shame. Highly contradicting ba?

Why is it that THEY SAY: in College, you’d feel more uhh “independent.” These coiners suck. Dudes, let’s not be too conventional. Now that you’re in college, you try to declare that you are most “free.” Come to think of it, you’re engaging your actuations to a certain “code of ethics” and etiquette. You wished you could be the most disgusting cretin in the world just to say that you’re “free” but then you later realize that well, everybody wanted you to be an angel.

Long ago, even as an innocuous grade school-er, I boasted ONLY to myself, “Huh! It may be uhh true that I’m the uhh youngest in my batch, but look, I got a higher IQ level than those uhh adolescents!! I’m in the uhh honor’s list, baby!”

I know, it was overweening.

My parents imagined myself going successful at such an early age. My father particularly projected me to be a lawyer by 23 years old.

But but…

Now I do feel that “nanakawan ako ng pagkabata.” I do want to be all-innocent again.

I don’t want to get weary this early. I do wish to live one more playful year, where I’m most carefree and the most crucial matter would be the likes of having a two-second stare with your crush.

I do want the days where a talk on pornography was bigotry. And where cuss words- like what my former Alma Mater declared- could buy me one-way ticket to hell. I didn’t cuss for a long time, like until sophomore high school. No joke.

I do want the days where my parents cosseted over me VERY much. That they’d be really alarmed in case I get a .01 increase in my supposedly normal body temperature. That they’d be so involved in my school activities that I’d curl up in embarrassment in front of my classmates.

I do want to be that ‘normal’ me who would hang about in the library just to get some peace of mind by napping, or to chat loudly with lunch chums, or fine, to even borrow a flimsy children’s book with these fancy drawings filled with tall tales.

I do want the days where I am the Most Nobody. Like no one cared aside from my parents. And so if you say, welcome to the real world, I would bolt.

Seriously, why this weird state of mind?