Jessica Zafra Superstar
To save my self from imploding– thanks to the dreadful LSS of Billie Jean (yes! As in Michael Jackson!); I mean of all songs?! Last week, I had Careless Whisper, attributed to the overrated Hayden Kho scandals, who’s punishing me this way?!– I grabbed Twisted 8 from my clutter. The book was sitting there for about a semester now since I borrowed it from Lara. The moment I read it again yesterday, I fell in love… again. It wasn’t easy for me to let go of it.
As you might have known, the Twisted series is more of creative non-fiction. Conjoined columns of the author Jessica Zafra, hailed from the now-defunct Today. I have the sixth and seventh— the latter missing for about a year now. If you’ve lent one of which before, I assume you have seen the sign I inscribed: “Thou shall not steal this, or else…” It was supposed to kid, threaten and creep you out. Whichever works. As for the eighth which I will then return to the owner on June, it was the most recent, published 2007. Incredibly witty as usual, here are the most notable quotes amongst the columns/blog posts selected for the book:
- “In the 1980s, jeepneys became moving torture chambers in which passengers were assualted nonstop by the drivers’ playlists. I do not recall ever riding a jeep in which Nazareth’s “Love Hurts” wasn’t blasting the eardrums out of my head.”
- “You know those privilege/membership cards that restaurant chains give out? Whenever I have to fill out the form I say my birthday is 06/06/66. They don’t have to know the exact date, what are they, the government?”
- “Now I’m fat. I wish I weren’t, but I am. It would be pleasant to think I’m not, but that would be fooling myself.”
- “Tsinelas are for two things: to wear in the shower, and to kill cockroaches.”
- “So I found a tape measure and figured the circumference of my head. 24 inches. 24 inches! Two feet. A girl’s waistline. No wonder I can’t find a hat that fits, I should buy pants for my head.”
Now it might be blasphemous (on her part, not on my religion), playing her name with Jesus Christ Superstar the play. But that’s just how I engrave my admiration on her. Don’t laugh. She’s something you could’ve wished to be. Steph and I once had a whim with her as a professor in UP. We’d commit genocide to enlist in her goddamn class. Her bitchery is our life source.