If you were named after a universal food seasoning, would you feel pleased? Pardon my name discrimination tendencies but since there’s nothing unlawful about it, I might as well raise a mono-brow at Phillip Noyce’s lead character Evelyn Salt in Salt. I believe people should be given gracious, respectable names. It’s not even enough that you’re sizzling, pouting, dyed Angelina Jolie.
I remember a sociology paper back in college where we were asked to write something about Howie Serevino’s Sa Ngalan ng Pangalan via i-Witness. The germane documentary tackled satirically yet sensitively on how names could affect Filipinos’ lives, “What’s in a name really?” Apparently, there are a chunk of people in the country named Bagongahasa and Pekpek, which when vernacularly spoken could kindle a candid burst of laughter. One of these people actually had to quit school just because he was a teenage laughingstock, and he’s only one of other serious cases of name discrimination. And the resolution— rebaptism or civil change of names— could only mean more tediousness and money in the end. So honestly, if you had other basic needs to take care of, why bother changing how people call you? Tss, government.
Then again, to avoid such prejudice, the mightiest and cheapest thing to do is To Impose. “It’s Salt, you can’t ridicule me. You can know my other name, NaCl, but that would only make me less terrifying, won’t it? It’s S-A-L-T, Salt. So back off!” You tell them who the bitch is.
Anyway, I was late to watch Salt (after some mulling over for spy hits aside from Chuck). Here is what I can say feebly:
- “Russians” are, again, into espionage. But only more old-fashioned, stealth and rogue. Also, only here they do “suicide bombings.”
- Liev Schreiber (Viktor Creed in X-Men Origins: Wolverine) never ceases to amaze me. He can easily pull-off a trustworthy, brother-like sensation and at the same time, a baleful, dick-shrinking one. Who could’ve thought he was the main villain?
- Angelina Jolie, a suki of action movies, this time IS different. She’s vulnerable and sarcastic at the start, then fierce and formidable after she loses her composure and gets busted as a true-blue Russian spy. I anticipated giddily the time she transformed into what she really is. She cupped some black hair colorant, rubbed it on her blondeness, and, voila she’s in truth a double agent CIA!
- I thought the CIA was sleeker than THAT. When I saw their asses get pounded effortlessly by Salt, I was like, where did these wussies train combat sports? At the Juanita Hansen Foundation?
- Salt’s quote that didn’t come out with cheese: “Why do you believe what everyone would say they are?”
- So after Salt jumps off the chopper, dives into the river at twilight, and runs hastily in the woods, I guess there’ll be a sequel. I’ll watch that.
- And wait, all of this happens in three to five days? Awesome.
On a third note, real live action hit our screens Monday night with the hostage drama in Manila. On historical primetime television, we just proved that whatever happens in action movies never happens in real life. At seven or so in the evening, about to reach 12 hours of unhandled situation, the SWAT and the police perform an “Assault” attack towards the bus carrying culprit SPO2 Rolando Mendoza and hostage tourists from HK— with the “Patay na lahat” presumption. And what do we get? Potbellied, sleazy, so-called cops who were more afraid to die than to physically take an “assault.” Hahahaha. Now that’s comedy and action that can beat a lame Ronnie Rickets film.