Gratitude Problem

If you know me very well, I am someone who cannot freely (and willingly) express his own emotions. I may bitch out and cry, “Ow!” when I am thumped on the nose by a Frisbee disc, or may jump over finding lost items, but on occasions where I am expected to shed a tear or just look down and pout, I am out of the picture. Much more on occasions where people do favorable things for me, and I should be nothing but thankful; eventually, I could only say, “Uy, thanks!” and that’s it. Back to the indifferent universe.

I hold back my emotions and feelings naturally as if there’s something wrong with them. In a sort of retreat in Tagaytay two years ago, we in our class were asked individually what we would want to achieve or to be and then we’d wind this ethnic tool upside down. This process was significant of our “transformation.” I remember myself saying, “Sana after this, I’d be more expressive.” I wound the thingy upside down and years after, I am still a dispassionate sponge.